* Friction. It’s such a drag. And gravity sucks too.
* When I was a child, my duties in the church included helping to shorten or lengthen the holy robes. I was an alter boy
* What do you call a person who just downloaded 1,000 puns from the Internet?
Well e-quipped.
* A con-man called me on the telephone, but he didn’t fool me – I could tell-he’s-phone-y.
* I know a farmer who has 200 head of cattle. He thought there were only 196 until he rounded them up.
* Why couldn’t anyone play cards on the ark? Because Noah sat on the deck.

Please nobody share these with Steve Stanis!!
tom emailed them to him this afternoon
TOOOOOMM!!! don’t encourage him…