It funny how you look forward to sleep so much and yet when you do sleep and then wake up, the sleep was never as fulfilling as you expected it to be and you still feel tired.
It could have something to do with the fact that my body is absolutely dead. And that the only was a sleep is going to be satisfying is if that sleep is at least 68 hours long.

I think it may be time to face up to myself and just declare that I’m always tired, no sleep or rest will improve my tiredness. The damage has been done there is no way of fixing it. I’m stuck this tired for the rest of my life. You see not a day goes by where I don’t feel tired. And then what do I do, just to rub sail into my own wounds I go on a trip like the uluru pilgrimage where there was about 4 hours sleep each night. Isnt that helpful?
It would be nice to take annual leave from living and just hibernate for 6 months. You know like the bears do. I just go out into the bush and eat lots of sticks and leaves to form a but plug, then go and have a sleep for 6 months. Maybe if I did that I wouldn’t feel tired and I could do it every few years. Recharge my batteries.

I think people are going to have to persuade me to go to bed instead of doing fun stuff. If there is a choice between going on a silly late night adventure or going to bed. Even though I’m damn tired I’m a sicker for a spontaneous adventure.

*yawn*

Its a damn shame that going to bed just after 11pm is an early night.

how good would 9pm be for an early night!

Tonight I’m going round to jo’s house. she is gonna cook me dinner.

Do you ever walk down the street and hear someone call out your name. you turn around but there is no one there?

It often happens to me, i thnik its in my head i just hear “howie” and i turn aroud and scan the area but there isnt anybody there.

I would love to be able to circular breathe. I can make a nice sound come ut of my didgeridoo now, the only problem is that it doesnt last all that long because i run out of breath.

I”m in the mood to talk about my feelings and have a whinge but i cant really think of anything to whinge about, or more that i cant think of things to whinge about that are helpful for others to read. Or more that i want to whinge but if i do i dont think it wouldbe very helpful or productive or really all that important.
I just feel like having a whinge.
I’m tired and i have a cold.

i’m having cafeine withdrawels

my body cant cope my body is in a state of shock, its sleepy and weak….

neeeeeeed coke to function

Well today is day 1 of 145 days without coke.

Myself and tom and maybe jo are going to give up coke for 148 days if mil can give up smoking for 145 days. A fare deal I say.

This will be my second time going without coke for an extended amount of time, in fact last time it was 144 days.

So on Friday the 8th of October we can drink coke again.

A few of us went to Annies party last night. This sign was on the girls toilet door.

Well I’m home now, got back last night but then went to jo’s house. So today I am properly home.

Well it was an amazing trip, lots of good times and sillyness, aswell as tough times and seriousness. I came into the trip much more prepared this year because I went last year I had a much greater understanding of what the trip was about and what to expect and what outcomes could occur from the trip. I think that helped a lot. It was a mad rush in the end to get the trip ready especially the last few days. But we did it.

I had a great small group the boys where awesome.

It was a great journey of discovery for a lot of the young people and the people on team, I think we all grew a lot over the 2 weeks. Living in a bit of a forced community really brought out the best in people. Sure at times it also brought out their worst but that’s ok, we where all trying.

The change in the whole group from day one to day 14 was amazing, There really ws a great sense of growth, with people really trying hard to respect one an other and support each other it was great.

I think it was the hardest 2 weeks of jo’s and mines relationship though.
We where so close but yet so far away. I couldn’t go and just have a private chat with her, because the whole bus seemed to know where an item, and part of coming on the trip young people had to agree to not pursue relationships on the trip but wait til they got home. So we had to set an example of that. Si if we went off to chat then why couldn’t young people go off and do the same. I thinks its great that we didn’t go off in terms of setting an example. But oh boy it was hard. We kept in communication via sms, but it was very tough. If one of us wasn’t there it would have been very different because talking on the phone to someone and having a deep and meaningful conversation is quite easy. But having us both there made that side of things very hard. But we coped and got through it. It was really good to spend time with jo last night and today and sort of debrief our experiences a bit before confronting the world. Now I’m ready to confront the world again, the coming down factor is over I think.

It such a weird feeling coming back into the big smoke after being away wqith a tight knit little community that you have spend 20 hours a day with for 14 days and then suddenly they are all gone and you are back in the city. Not a pleasant feeling. But there is no way of escaping it really.

Good to be home.