howie’s halfpipe

So after a number of hours of extreme un-productiveness I decided to leave the office and go home. But I thought I needed a drink so I went around the corner to the little modern fish and chip shop. I went up to the counter and due to my compulsive habits I ordered some scallops and then waited for a bit.
When my scallops were ready I went to the fridge to get out a drink. But as I opened the fridge door a can of diet coke leapt of the top shelf hit my shoulder, then the counter then exploded all over me. I had diet coke in my hair on my neck shirt, shorts legs and feet. I was wearing thongs so my feet where all sticky and gross.

I looked up and the two men in the shop were very apologetic. Then the old man who owns the shop was telling me how it also happened to him but I got a much bigger explosion.

There was another man in the shop waiting for his order, his order was ready and he proceeded across to the fridge. I was still standing there a bit on shock and also putting my wallet away. HE went to open the fridge and I shouted “Careful he’s gonna jump”.
The man looked up and saw that on the top shelf another can of diet coke was about to take the plunge. Although this time it was spared its death by the quick thinking customer who grabbed it and put in on another shelf.

Then I walked home and had a shower.

I was thinking what must have been going through the mind of the can of diet coke.

Diet cokes across the world are being overcome with a wave of depression as they remember a day when they where trendy and acceptable in all circles, even some male ones. But now what do they have to live for?.
Lets face it they are never going to be as good as their big brother, the real thing. They have no sugar, they have no caffeine in other words they have no charm or testosterone.
They used to have a special place with the ladies, ladies across the world would drink diet coke and love diet coke.
But now days poor old diet coke has been replaced with the trendy frothy compost run-off that is called “boost juice”.
There is nothing to live for.
SO why not commit suicide, at least that way you are helping the world in someway. If you jump out of a fridge you make more room for your big brother, the drink that people actually like.
So that’s what the diet cokes were doing today, they were jumping, jumping to end their misery.