the howie

I was sitting her thinking I have nothing to blog, its all going downhill, all my readers are leaving, I haven’t said anything interesting in months. The only thing that keeps people interested is if I talk about poo, and I haven’t had any poo stories in the last few weeks. what am I going to say. I don’t have any pictures to put up nothing. I don’t really have anything to whinge about. Although post could be classified as a whinge.
Anyway the point of this post is to try and prove to myself that I do have stuff the share with the world.
Lets see what been happening with my life over the last few months. Worl=k has bbeen crazy and a bit overwhelming at times with no sign of it slowing down anytime soon. Sickness oh yes I got sick. Its funny because I have been sick with this gut thing for about 12 months which is quite a ling time, but its just sort of become normal that I don’t see myself as sick. I really am fine. you know how after a while you just adapt to stuff and it becomes normal. Like when you get a new pair of jeans, at first they are all new and weird and uncomfortable but then after a while you don’t notice they are just jeans they are comfy and normal. Anyway but I got more sick didn’t I had the infections and stuff. But they are gone. Oh and I started going out with jenny that was a good move I really love jenny. We have been going out for just over 3 months now. I can really see myself marrying that girl. I think we have a come a long way together over the last few months. It’s a bit strange because we spend all day with each other at work sitting at desks right next to each other and so much of our work is together. But then after work what do we do. we hang out more. and on weekends we hang out too. There doesn’t seem to be a possible overload of each other. And frankly I don’t want there to be, I like spending so much time with jenny. I do need to watch It a bit so I don’t neglect other people. I think that’s what I did badly last year. With work and stuff I sort of neglected the other people around me, everyone really, I was never home and never hung out with my friends cause I didn’t have a healthy balance. Its not like that with jenny but I don’t want it to become like that. cause it sicked I never saw anyone and never hung out with them, I was just howie, they guy that appeared sometimes and that we used to hang out with. So this year I’ve tried to change that. I’m still not excelling at it there has been heaps to do at work and been spending any spare time I get sleeping or with jenny. But I have spent more time with other people. Still looking for a healthy balance.
Emotionally how am I going, well pretty good I think. A bit tense and overwhelmed at times with work stuff, but then have to try and remind myself that I work for God and he wont give me more than I can handle. The only way it will become more than I can handle is if I don’t hand my work over to God in the first place and I try and do it alone.
Not that god wont make it challenging cause he will but he wont make it impossible.
So I think that’s another growth area for me just trusting in god and his plans for me, and not trying to do work without him.
How am I going spiritually. well that’s a bit of a grey area. I think to be really truthful I have been really close to god since about 2000. That may shock some people. But I think its true, my relationship with god is really up and down I don’t really get angry at God or upset with him, I think its more that I just haven’t had a good church home and I have bad habits which have helped push me further from gods presence. Like quiet times, I would love to have a quiet time everyday and the amount of times I have started and done it for a few days and then just stopped is ridiculous. I guess I’m telling you all this because in telling you I have sort of become accountable to you all. I would like to change I would like to get close to god again I would like to be a place where I thank god for everything, where I send up prayers as I’m crossing a road where I spend time in the bush in his creation just pondering and thanking him. I want to be in a place where I feel his hand on mine where ever I go. I want to be connected into a church, in fellowship with others, sharing our walks with each other.
I’ve started going to Thornleigh Baps a bit and I really like it. Good teaching good worship a real strong focus on mentoring and stuff. I like it I think as my braveness grows I’ll find it a really awesome church. So yes you heard it here first I think it will be my new church home.
In saying all that it sounds like I have been depressed for the last 5 years. that’s not true I have had some really awesome and profound times with God and have grown in my faith in some ways. Its just easier to pinpoint the stuff that’s not going as well as it could be.
It scares me how much people do look up to me sometimes and follow me not in a big headed I’m so good kind of way. Just like young people looking up to me and I have a job to be as much like Jesus as I can. And I fail, a lot so I really need to re-ignite my walk which God so that I can be in touch with him and look after all the young people I work with and everyone I interact with.
Ty and I where talking about our sort of work once and talking about me not having a church and stuff. He had a good analogy. Its like a sponge full of water, you can wring it out for a long time and get water out of it but eventually it will run dry unless there is a tap above it replenishing its water. Like the work I’m doing is good, and people are growing and changing and its all awesome but if I’m not getting replenishment from god then I’ll just run dry and the life will be squeezed out of me.
So there you go, may have shocked some of you, its not often I talk about god stuff on here.

that might do for now.

there will be a comprehension exam on the above later on.