howie’s halfpipe

my blog visits are going down big time.

I think its mostly due to my comments being broken so people cant interact, but maybe also due to that fact I haven’t said anything funny or controversial in a long time.

hmmm what can I say that’s controversial or will rustle up some hits.

I would tell you my most embarrassing moments but all of the ones that come to mind involve me not having any pants on or losing pants if I did have them on. So maybe that’s not the ticket.

Instead I think I might list the people who if I was to spend a minute alone with in a room I would find it hard to not connect my fist with their heads.

Tim Fergusson

Reason for beating, well he tires to be funny and really just inst, but that’s not why I’d want to hit him. The real reason I’d want to hit him is because of his stupid haircut with that stupid fringe combed across to one side of his forehead. In fact I’m finding it hard to type now because I find my hands clenching as I think about his fringe…grrrr

Phillip Ruddock

Well he gets a punch, probably a softer punch than tim, just cause he’s old. Anyway he gets a punch for not “loving our neighbour” and also for always wearing a grey suit. I mean come on Phil grey suits are soo 70’s

John Howard

for leading this country

Conan O’Brian

for hosting the worst late night talk show in the history of the universe. For having a stupid hair style very similar to Tim Fergusson. For always talking about himself during interviews with other people. for wasting airtime. Oh Conan in one minute I reckon a few punches could be thrown at your head.

The hooley doleys

For being allowed to influence children. Coming generations of kiddies are all going to end up in therapy all because three middle aged men bought a handycam and decided to dance around in their pyjamas

Chevy Chase

for making the worst films in the history of the world, over and over again.

The rest I cant be bothered giving reasons for, but Its not hard to find reasons to punch the following.

Jar Jar Binks
George W Bush
Tim Fergusson (again)
John Laws
Fred Nile
Will Ferrell
Bjork
Amanda Vanstone
Carl Scully (when he was transport minister)
Anyone who goes on a reality tv show (excluding ‘the mole’)
Jerry Springer
Doug Mulray
Idi Amin
Martin Bryant

oh the list goes on.

ok so maybe I don’t really want to condone punching these people in the head. but that was a rundown on some of the famous people I struggle with, who make my cringe or make me angry. Don’t go punching them in the street if you see them.