howie’s halfpipe

The Definitive Poo

By Maureen McAuley

The poo of all poos
Is not easy to do.
And the skill to achieve it
Is given to few.
Since the moment of birth,
I have harbored the aim,
And now at five months
My ambition’s the same.
  I have practiced like mad
In this short space of time,
And dozens of nappies
Have weighed down the line.
But is spite of my efforts
And great concentration
I have yet to experience
The wondrous elation
Of having produced
The definitive poo,
With the just right quality,
Odour and hue.
 It must be a big one,
Right down to my feet;
It must make Dad stagger,
Fall back on his seat;
It must come along when
It’s most unexpected;
It must cause amazement
When it’s first detected;
It must be accomplished
When visitors call;
But- best of all –
It must really appall!
  But filling a nappy
Is no easy feat,
Though I will continue
My own goal to meet.
My red face and groans
May be funny to you,
But BEWARE this could be
The DEFINITIVE POO!