the howie

I tried a breast pump today.

Now my nipple feels funny.

I don’t think i’ll  try it again. I hope i don’t start lactating now.

Oscar has started smiling. I think it’s because he is starting to appreciate my dad jokes which I must say are coming along nicely.

Q: Why did the sand get wet

I was reading this article about Obama getting to keep his Blackberry and found out that when Clinton’s staff moved out of the White House they removed all the ‘w’ keys from all the computers in the white house.

cool.

I am attempting to lift Tom’s drawers to prove how manly I am! Alas, I failed. It was highly amusing for the wife to watch though.

Support your local search and rescue organisation - get lost!

I found this site today where you upload images then you shoot them.

A new little cafe popped up in hornsby a few months ago and I walk past it almost everyday and alsmot everyday it is empty. Not because it’s crap just because I think people don’t know it’s there.

I’ve been meaning to go to it for ages. I like to go to places like that becasue they deserve my business. Anyway today David and I went there for a work meeting, We looked like real yuppies with our macbook pro’s out on the table chatting away about work. Best of all they have free wifi!

I had a good time. I think I’ll go back.

hot day + fat = sweat = BO = people not sitting next to you on the bus.

I’m pretty sure there was a smirk on Oscar’s face as he urinated all over me during a nappy change.

There I was cleaning his sticky date for him, and he repays the favour by joining the riot squad and powerung up the water cannon.

Once we find his recipet it’s back to the store for Oscar.

Having babies is a bad idea for people who like routine.

So I went to the doctor today and only had to wait 1 hour. It reall was a ‘waiting’ room today.

My Asthma has been having a party the last few weeks and becasue of my lack of caring I have just let it. I have been taking my daily preventative medication but the old ‘if you have a wheeze’ puffer ran out a while ago so I’ve had a constant wheeze for the last week or so.

This gets on jenny’s nerves, she thinks i’m going to die. I think it’s kind of cool I could end up like the penguin in toy story. But becasue I love my wife and I’m totally under thunb I went to the doctor. He measured things and listened to things then decided it was time for some hardcore astham steroids as well as 2 differnet puffers.

So for the next 9 days i’m going to be on the roids, I’m pretty sure they will make me buff and by mid next week i’ll start looking like Rambo. they may help my lungs too.

We have season 1 of ‘Brothers and Sisters’ in our house on loan from Jess. I’m not really sure why. Tom has slowly been working through it. I had never even heard of it. I decided the other day to watch an episode while Oscar and Jenny where napping. That was a few days ago. I just finished disc 4 tonight. I dont know what is is, but i’m still watching it, it’s not my sort of tv show at all. It’s all about relationships. there is no slapstick comedy, there isn’t even any swearing or things blowing up. But i keep watching. I’m turning into a soppy woman.

The next thing you know i’ll be going through Jenny’s entire collection of ‘friends’ and then i’ll spend my christmas money on the Oprah box set and a pair of Dawsons Creek silky pyjamas.

Today the noob’s got married.

I went to their wedding.

I’m tired.

In all my letters, I try harder than anything else to make myself clear. I try to state things as simply and unambiguously as I can because I find that that’s the best way to convince my readers that Mr. Thomas W French, Esq.’s fairy tales are a sink-pit of degeneracy, corruption, and ugliness. To start, Thomas thinks that his decisions are based on reason. Of course, thinking so doesn’t make it so. I am horrified by his devotion to the idea of a benevolent dictatorship of a self-appointed elite. That should serve as the final, ultimate, irrefutable proof that I want you to know that Thomas has an implacable determination to satisfy his own ambitions and lusts at whatever cost to his apostles, his nation, and even to his own progeny. Knowing, as they say, is half the battle. What remains is to extend the compass of democracy to conceited wackos.

Please forgive my directness, but Thomas says that the cure for evil is more evil. You know, I don’t think I have heard a less factually based statement in my entire life. I receive a great deal of correspondence from people all over the world. And one of the things that impresses me about it is the massive number of people who realize that if he can overawe and befuddle a sufficient number of prominent individuals then it will become virtually impossible for anyone to get us out of the hammerlock that he is holding us in. If I am correct that Thomas brandishes the word “uncharacteristically” as a kind of up-to-date jack-o’-lantern to scare children, then one can consecrate one’s life to the service of a noble idea or a glorious ideology. Thomas, however, is more likely to take over society’s eyes, ears, mind, and spirit. At any rate, I am deliberately using colorful language in this letter. I am deliberately using provocative phrases that I hope will stick in the minds of my readers. I do ensure, however, that my words are always appropriate and accurate and clearly explain how Thomas lectures us about interdenominationalism so often that he may soon become a major source of hearing loss. Am I being too harsh for writing that? Maybe I am, but that’s really the only way you can push a point through to Thomas.

Isn’t it odd that beer-guzzling control freaks, whose tyrannical, uncompromising lifestyle will foster and intensify Thomas’s drug-drenched drama of immorality by the end of the decade, are immune from censure? Why is that? We already have our answer; as a respected journalist put it, “I would be honored to have Thomas oppose anything I supported”. She probably could have added that Thomas is driving me nuts. I can’t take it anymore! Finally, any one of the points I made in this letter could be turned into a complete research paper, but the conclusion of each would be the same: Mr. Thomas W French, Esq. seems to have trouble constructing a grammatically correct sentence.

---

A handy little tool indeed.