Archive for Sunday, May 31, 2009
I was just looking at a church website that a friend goes to. I noticed there was an online form for adding notices to the church bulletin. How could i pass up an opportunity for silliness like this?
So I have submitted the following.
Attention all kitchen users.
There are several cake tins missing fomr the kitchen. If you have borrowed a cake tin could you please return it ASAP, especially the pretty floral one.
And I sent it all from the email of Abby Graham
Here’s hoping this Sunday has a special notice in the bulletin.
Chk Chik Boom girl – One bogan girl gets on TV and the whole country goes crazy and experts start analyzing her and how did she get onto tv..blah blah blah. There are plenty of other bogan women on TV that shouldn’t be and why are we not complaing about them. Gretel Killeen, Susan Boyle,Therese Rein,Reggie Bird, Pauline Hanson,
Malcom Turnbull – Boring!!!!!!!!
John Farnham – Staging a comeback tour. He had a big ‘last time’ tour which was followed by a national tour with Tom Jones. Then his boss Wheatley had to go to jail, so John took some time off too. Then he announces yesterday he is back and the media goes crazy. But ‘you said you had retired’ . Who cares we have no right to dictate someone elses career and what they do. if he wants to sing sady one more time he can, if he wants to sing it 50 more times he can. He’s the voice, try and understand it!
Sol the Telstra man – Boring!!!!!!!!!
Swine flu – media beat up. So far it seems the swine flu has milder symptoms than your stock standard flu, is treated the same way and infectious the same way. So what do we do? How about as chopper would say ‘Harden the F%^& up! and suck a butter menthol if you feel sick.
I have found the greatest game on the entire interweb.
Remember in the super duper old days, floppy disc and DOS days there was 2 killer games. Nibbles and Gorilla, well this one is like gorilla.
Last night after a romantic dinner at the RSL club Tom and I went to the pictures.
We saw ‘Observe and Report’
It was very very funny. In some ways it was quite similar to Paul Blart – Mall Cop. Only this was the adult only, politically incorrect version. I really liked the absurdity of Paul Blart, but this one was 1o times better. I had a great time, it made me cringe, it made me laugh out loud.
5.5 / 7
Waking up in the middle of the night to the sound of a dog licking it’s bits and pieces only about 45cm from your head isn’t my idea of a good night.
Today I was visiting a Church camp to be part of a panel discussion on service.
Before the panel discussion there was a service. To start with it began 45 minutes late, I think just because that’s the norm on a christian camp.
The service began with a bit of worship. The worship leader began by pointing at people in the congregation and saying “come on Tony get up here and sing with us”. She kept going until he had 6 or 7 people up the front with the band. I made sure i was well slouched in my chair.
The band fired up and we began to sing. Then part way through a song the worship leader put down her mic and began walking up and down the centre isle. Just before the next line of the song she would shout “MEN” or “WOMEN” depending on who she wanted to sing the next line. I remember when i was a younger chap that this was common practice in church but never with such military delivery. “MEN!!!!!”
My favorite moment was towards the end of a song when it was fading out she shouted “AGAIN!!”
It was an interesting experience.
After the service it was time for the panel discussion with me and a few others from different organisations.
I had to go first in introducing myself, who i am, what I do etc.
I began with a joke about how normally i just speak to young people and that a lot of the people in the room where far from being young. I didn’t mean to begin with such a gag it just came out. As it was falling out my mouth my brain started slapping me on the inside of my head, this could go down the wrong way big time, especially as I hadn’t warmed up with less offensive jokes to test the water. No one knew if I was going to be witty or not they had never seen me before.
Well It looked like i was right to be internally slapping myself as there was dead silence for what felt like 3 and a half hours. But thankfully the dead silence was followed by a loud wave of laughter. I managed to put in a few gags whilst answering the questions of the facilitator. At one point a man in the congregation laughed so much it looked like his head was going to snap off his neck. His head fell backwards with some serious force.
The guy next to me in the panel did some funnies too, in fact his where much better than mine.
I found this website today that rates childrens artworks, you the ones that you see up above your doctors desk.
A few of them have come true.
I’ve received an Oscar
I’ve held a new born baby that i am the father of (see above completed dream)
I have pet turtles
Well that’s it. Not a huge milestone if you look at how many dreams I have, but you have to start somewhere.
Tonight was the first episode of Top Gear Australia – Series 2. The first series was really bad, Well I assume it was bad I only stomached a few minutes of a couple of episodes. There is no chemistry between the presenters, their jokes are all scripted and none of them are natural presenters.
Anyway I thought James Morrison could bring the show up a bit, I never thought he could save it or bring it into the league of it’s UK master. I was wrong, I lasted 10 minutes of tonights show. It was appauling television.
they wanted to prove the Stig was Australian so James peeled back the collar of the Stig’s racing suit to uncover a tiny stuck on aussie flag. What dramatic television. The logie is in the bag with on screen antics like that.
It was like a community televison car show but with a big budget.
Bring back re-runs of old Top Gear UK series or even just show colour bars for an hour with frecnh subtitles.
The fire alarm went off in the office today, For the first few minutes of the alarm we all just kept working. Then a few people stood up. The phone rang so I answered it, then when I realised it was going to be a long boring call I interrupted and said “sorry the fire alarm is going off i have to go”. Take that telemarketer!!!!
Anyway as we strolled towards the fire exit a pre recorded american voice says “evacuate the building”.
We walked down the fire stairs and then gathered on the footpath. the fire engines came, went inside then a few minutes later got back in their trucks and drove off. the alarm tunred off and we all went back inside.
To avoid having to wait ages and ages for the lift we went to the stairs, about halfway up I noticed that the fire stairs where made of wood!!!!! This doesn not seem like a smart choice of fire-stair building materials.
Anyway none of us are dead, there was no fire all quite dull really. not sure why I blogged about it. Guess it’s more exciting than hearing about how i took the lift down to the ground floor to check the mailbox, or more interesting than me telling you what colour boxer shorts i have on.
Since spending my entire KRudd money and putting in a little extra on a super dooper gas heater for our house there has not been one cold night.
Before I used my KRudd money every night was ruddy freezing.
Can we please have just one cold night so i can put the ruddy heater on.
Normally with a title like that you would think I was about to crap on about sales targets and profits and all that sort of thing. Well I’m Not. If you want that sort of thing go here.
I’m here to talk to you about projecting images from a city building on to the side of another city building.
Today once it had got a bit darker, Carlyn and I thought it would be fun to try the work projector out. specifically try it out by pointing it out our office window onto the next building.
It worked a treat, we started by projecting an episode of the west wing but then decided a TEAR video was probably a better idea. So there it is. you can probably see it from the street but neither of us where going to go all the way down there to check it out.
It’s pretty fun, there are endless possibilities when it comes to things to project.
There was nothing on TV in our room and the series 2 of Brothers and Sisters that Jess lent me won’t play in my laptop. So we hooked my computer up to the projector i had with me and we watched ‘dirt game’ using ABC iview.
Then it was sleep time. Oh how i love the tight sheets on a hotel bed, I slid in from the top and didnt move all night, trapped by the tucked in tightness. It was beautiful.
We woke up a bit before 10 and I went off to have my shower, excited by the upcoming use of hotel soap wrapped in paper. I got into the shower and unwrapped the soap. It didn’t smell like the cheap nasty hotel soap I was looking forward to. I read the sticker it was some hippy soap from byron bay. What the hell??? Anyway I had to use it, i began rubbing myself but it was like rubbing my chest with a cheese grater, friggen hippy soap was full of crushed up combi vans and dolphins.
The sound of bagpipes began to get louder and louder, we went out onto the balcony to see a march coming up our street.
The most exciting part was the one police car at the lead.
As you can see they take safety very seriously in the gong, this bus decided to just drive into the middle of the march.
After a knock on the door from house-keeping we packed up our stuff and left the hotel to find some breakfast.
We went to a foodcourt in gong city, then went looking in a shop or two, we managed to get distracted and almost miss the train. We got to the station with one minute to spare. But then the train sat in the station for another 10 minutes.
Now that our overnight holiday is drawing to a close it is time to spend some time apart, we had a falling out. So here we are on the train heading home.
I had some workshops I was running for work in Wollongong tonight, it was going to finish quite late so getting home on the train would have been impossible or at best unpleasant and long. There was the option of billeting, but billeting is for chumps. So I’m here at the Wollongong Rydges hotel for the night. Being unemployed and single, Tom has a lot of time on his hands so he is here too.
We came down by train, checked in then I went and caught the free bus out to the Uni to run my workshops.
I bailed pretty sonn after running the workshops as there was no real reason for me to stay and it wasn’t really my scene. I got the free bus back to the gong city and then it was time to channel our inner rock star and treat this hotel room to a makeover.
sometimes the best way to get a new layout in a room is to move things around. Don’t spend too much time thinking where things should go, just chuck them and where they land is their new home.
If you are sick of potpori and lavender here is a simple way of creating a new smell in a room. Simply open a bottom drawer and excrete into it.
Once our makeover was complete it was time to channel our inner chirstian and put all the stuff back.