For dramatic effect the following post is also available as an audio download.cold-post.mov

It is so damn cold today, all morning I was walking around the house muttering to myself about how cold I was.

At lunch time (2pm) Jenny, Oscar and myself walked to Waitara maccas for a healthy lunch. In blizardous conditions we climed through the imfamous dead mans alley with the wind ripping at our dry blistered faces. Once we reached the summit it was time to carefully manouver ourselves along the pacific highway ridge towards the frosted over golden arches.  My lungs where heavy and I began dragging my feet along the icy cement.

Once we arrived in the warmth and comfort of the McDonald family eatery we devoured our food as if we hadn’t eaten in weeks.

The time came, we knew we had to leave the womb and return to the cold, shivery glom outside and traverse the pacific highway ridge once more before the decent into base camp. The food in our belly’s helped our bodies fight the bitter chill, we descended off the pacific highway ridge and made it safely back to our base camp cabin.

I retreated to the warmth of my bedroom for a much need rest.

After being awoken to the sound of a screaming baby I returned to the main room of the cabin to keep and eye on the unhappy child. As soon as I stepped into the main room I could feel my limbs beginning to freeze, it was insanely cold in the cabin. I opened my laptop to begin writing a journal entry of the day, my fingers froze to the keyboard. My wife was nowhere to be seen, I couldn’t shout out. I was stuck, frozen and lonely.

I didn’t know how i was going to survive, I thought it was the end. Robert Howie died like a snap frozen bag of birds eye peas.
Then in the distance I could faintly make out the misty shadow of a gas heater.  But I couldn’t make it, it’s too far away. It began to play with my mind, I was torn between trying to reach the heater and surely dying on the way or staying put and hoping i would be rescued.

In the end i managed to break my fingers free from the keyboard by sawing at them with my sharp icicle teeth.

I began to crawl across the glacial floorboards towards the heater, stopping every few hours to rest and drink my own urine, it was the only way i could hydrate myself.

After 6 long days I made it to the heater and with my last ounce of energy i pushed the on button.

Then i began to feel quite warm and it was back to facebook to check on my farmville farm.