If you are like me, and lets face you probably are like me or least want to be like me. Why else would you read my blog?

Well if you are striving to be me every time you go out to put rubbish in the bins you walk back to the front door frantically banging and swiping your head, shoulders, chest and upper back to ensure no spiders have landed on you and are going to kill you.

I hate spiders, bugs, cockroaches…….. I hate anything that can scramble across you, it sends shudders up my spine.

But spiders are the worst, Jenny has to be the man in our house casue i’m to busy shaking and standing on top of a pile of chairs squealing like a young boy going through puberty.

Well tonight I had to go take the rubbish out, it was dark and knew there was spiders about, there always is. To get to the bins you have to pass through the arch way of death. In the day time it’s a metal arch with roses on it but by night it’s the “ARCH WAY OF DEATH”.

I made it through swinging one of my arms around like a helicopter to break any webs of doom.

I didn’t feel any webs break with my arm so thought I was sweet.

It was on my happy trot back to the front door when I felt that horrible horrible crawling feeling on the back of my neck.

you know the one,8 little sticky feet making their way for the gap between your shirt and neck.

Being the well restrained gentleman that I am,I only whispered expletives as not to wake the neighbors.

I quickly ripped the shirt off in the doorway and began more hitting and swiping of my head, neck, back and chest.

I looked down at my shirt and couldn’t see anything.

1. Was it on my pants?

2. Was it on the floor about to run up my leg?

3. Was it all paranoia and actually just the tag of my shirt?

I was too scared to go for number 3, it was real, I felt it!

I decided to flick my shirt across the floor a bit.

And that’s when i got even more freaked out.

When you are freaked out, you make stupid decisions. mine was thinking ‘It’ll stay there for a minute, you should go get your camera’.

Well turns out it wasn’t that stupid as it did stay there.

Now i had to get rid of it, what if in the morning i wake up and it’s on my face!!!

I went and got one of my shoes as the thongs I’m wearing are thinner than my masculinity.

I realised I had one shot, and with this one shot I was to terminate the beast and probably also wake up wife and baby in the process.

So i hovered the shoe above the drop zone, and then BANG! Did I get it?

At first I didn’t know I was too busy trying to climb over the table to stand on the couch!

After a while i ventured back to the shirt and I had succeeded!

Now i’m siting at my computer with no shirt on wondering if I should really be telling people on the internet that I’m sitting here half naked.