I have a feeling that in the new year I may find myself standing in front of a curtain next to a stool trying my hand at a few minutes of stand up.

Myself and a buddy Jon are going to check out a place that does an open mic thing once a week, and if we feel brave enough after a few visits may get up ourselves. I quite enjoy public speaking and my favorite public speaking gigs are the ones where I get to MC some sort of event.  MC’ing  gives you a set job description of things you need to say and for me a bit of wit easily slips in I think it’s because humor is not the main point of MMC’ing the jokes come in quite naturally as there is no pressure.

But getting up with the sole purpose of making people laugh is a realm I have not yet entered and I’m guessing if I do decide to give it a go I will inevitable spend the few days leading up to the night  hovering of the porcelain.

I can’t tell jokes, I don’t remember them. I think I will have to tell stories and they need to not just be witty but also have a punchline or 3. This is my dreadful area, I have no idea how to bring a punchline out of a story.

this post is making it look like a horrible horrible idea, why did I start writing this….

On Wednesday I went to a recruitment day for a prominent Sydney attraction. It was for holiday positions just for 2 months paying a decent wage and an interesting job that could keep me busy and also help us keep the lights on at home. The info said to turn up anytime between 11am and 4pm.

I had some things to do in the morning so arrived around 1pm.I followed the photocopied signs to a door. I thought the place was oddly empty and that this would work to my advantage, less people means more chance of getting a job.

I walked inside where I was met by a friendly lady who handed me a form and a little numbered ticket, she then led me around the corner where there was at least 300 people sitting in rows of chairs.

I asked what number the tickets started at and she said ’1′, she also said it shouldn’t take too long.

About 2 and a half hours later it was my turn for round one of interviewing. I took my form to a table where a lady asked me some questions, looked through the form, she told me I would be great for one of the positions. She then asked if there was any days in the next few months I was not available to work. I told her some days, 5 in fact.

She then told me I didn’t meet their selection criteria and some more photocopied signs led me to the door.

Not an uplifting story, but a story non the less.

In more uplifting news November 2010 is looking set to be the biggest month for visitors in the history of this blog, if only blogging could be a career.

We all love to smirk when we see a shopping trolley hanging from a street sign, infact I heard a bunch of blokes carried one to the top of the harbour bridge once and left it up there upside down. But if you own a supermarket this is probably very annoying. I’m not about to start advocating for the rights of supermarkets or trolleys, but I would like to see trolley technology used in other areas. A lot of supermarkets overseas have lock on trolley wheel which are enabled when a trolley goes past the car-park boundary. The wheel locks and the trolley is stuck, it can’t be pushed along the street and left out the front of the apartments across the road from your house where art 3am a man in a blue tractor will come along and make as much noise as possible to let the whole suburb know he is picking up a stray trolley.

Imagine if this same technology could be used for other things which should never be seen on public streets. for instance crocs. There is much debate about the offensiveness of burqas but really there is no way that they can come even close to being as offensive as crocs. And as the croc movement grows they are penetrating society more and more. What started out as ugly innocent footwear for wearing to the beach (which I don’t understand,what is wrong with thongs, is it because of sunburn? if so crocs will just give you a leopard skin sunburn tattoo.)has now penetrated other daily activities like going to the shops or walking the dog. Old men are replacing boat shoes with fluro blue crocs, I even attended a wedding and reception where someone at my table was wearing bright orange crocs. This is unacceptable behavior and crocs must be a ‘on your own property only’ form of footwear, what you do in your own house is up to you but don’t bring your offensive footwear out into public.

All it would take is some simple locking system installed on the heel of each croc and if you walk out your front gate the locks engage and the crocs stop still on the ground and can not be moved.

Yet another global problem solved!

The shirt sold for $162.50 which is a pretty damn good effort.

Thanks to everyone that had a bid, the winner is a very friendly plumber who better not get S#!@ on my face if he wears the shirt to work!

Less than 24 hours left to bid on my shirt.

I’m also selling a net-book if you are interested. It’s in perfect condition, comes with xp and original packaging, fell off the back of a truck so slight damage to box, If I had a white van I would drive around the streets stopping pedestrians and asking if they wanted to buy it, the supplier ordered too many etc etc…

It’s not actually nicked, I bought it just to use for a couple of months as the software wouldn’t run on my mac.

It’s an Asus EeePC 1001p

moving to the country gonna eat me a lot of peaches,…

…peaches come from a can,and they turned me into a man

I was at a train station this afternoon and had to look at this billboard a few times to see if what I saw the first time was true.

The main theme is ‘New City, New Life’

If you move to the country you can start a new life.

As demonstrated in this billboard, you can live in the big smoke an unhappy blonde woman, but if you moved to a rural centre you could start a new life as a big handed, broad shouldered man.

I feel that blonde woman wanting to become men is quite a small target audience for such a large billboard.

Today I received a special parcel in the mail, it was a little tin steam boat. I knew it was coming as I was the one that ordered it.

I had one of these when I was a wee nipper, and my dad used to help me play with it. For some reason I remembered the cool little boat I had and so did some internet searching to see if i could get one again.

First step, put some water in the bath, then fill up one of the little pies so the boiler fills with water.

Second step, light a small fire with either wax or olive oil. then place the fire in the boat just under the boiler.

Step three, wait a few seconds for the boiler to heat up then the boat starts to move. It will run for about 20 mins before you need another teaspoon full of olive oil.

putt putt putt putt putt.. I Love it!

1. MALUCKYDAY
2. SO YOU THINK
3. ZIPPING