Wednesday at the camp was by far the hardest day for me.
The general gist of my talks was that if we are to follow Jesus and love him and love our neighbors we need to be living a life that is for others not ourselves.The first 2 days were spent exploring poverty a bit and the contrast between our life in Australia compared with the life of people living in utter poverty and marginalisation. And exploring Jesus statements like ‘you will always have the poor with you” so should we even bother doing anything???
On Wednesday the plan was to look at how the choices we make all day every day impacts on others sometimes even without us realising and that loving our neighbour also includes looking after their security, environment, access to resources and necessities etc. this was to be followed by an opportunity to commit to Jesus and ask for his help in living a life for others.
I knew this would be the hardest day and had a terrible sleep the night before. Woke up feeling super dooper seedy and spent the hour before the session sweating like crazy and pacing around the room. I don’t like doing the call to Christ talks, there is way too much potential for me to get in the way. I think because I’m silly and witty (am i?) I often get close to total attention when I’m speaking to teenagers and while it’s nice to not have sleepers and people disengaged it’s also daunting because in this case what if I miss represent Jesus and a room full of impressionable teenagers get a totally wrong view of Him. Just doing a normal talk I don’t feel this but whenever there is this opportunity to become a christian included it takes it to a whole new level of freaking out for me.
Anyway when it got to that point of my session whilst talking I kind of fell apart and was crying all over the place, I was sharing a personal story and trying to convey the devastation that can be caused when we chose selfishness, comfort etc over living for others and how it had destroyed one of my relationships because of my stupidity and stubbornness 10 years on the relationship is still not repaired.. I was a mess and had no idea if I was being coherent and I was at this point where it was time to offer Jesus as an option for these campers. As stated above these things scare me, there is no way in hell I was going to open my eyes when I was praying to see if any hands were going up. If I opened my eyes and saw no hands going up I would think it was all my fault and that I stuffed it up. On the flip side if there was hands up I’m scared I would think I did a good job and because of me kids were choosing to follow Christ. It has nothing to do with me, it’s between the individual and Jesus..not me. So knowing this I lined up two leaders beforehand to keep their eyes open so I could keep my leaking eyes locked closed.
After the session I was absolutely exhausted and all I was thinking about was my notebook and all the points I missed that I had intended to make. Each day I tried to sit in with a different discussion group afterwards, I really didn’t want to this day, but I did. then as soon as it was over I escaped to my cupboard, popped some nurofen and lay on the bed for a bit.
I heard later in the day that a bunch of peeps made a commitment to Christ for the first time and another bunch re-committed. The great thing is that I’m 100% sure it wasn’t because of me and my shambles of a session but it was because of God hanging out in the room too.
After this session was done and dusted the rest of the camp was a breeze, I just hung out with cheeky teenage boys and had good conversations. My poo returned to normal services and all was well.
There was an amazing sharing time around the fire on the last night and people shared where they were at with God, I shared about how inadequate I felt doing this camp for a bunch of reasons and that I often find myself feeling inadequate when doing any kind of speaking etc. Give me a microphone to MC a wedding reception or something and I’ll have the time of my life but convince me to use that microphone for potentially life changing content and I turn into a portaloo. It was pretty out of character for me to share my inadequacies, especially with a group of people I have only known a few days, thankfully I was able to add in a joke about Michal Jackson so it wasn’t all serious.
All up it was a pretty intense camp. Probably the best way to sum it up is to say it was Friggen Nuts!!!!!!