I don’t want all my rants to be about parenting and children but it’s hard to escape ranting about them when there is so much material.
Remember in primary school whenever you hit your head someone would say something like “haha you just lost ten brain cells”. Well parenting is like a daily club to the head. It seems the longer you are a parent the more stupid the things you do are. Logic and reason are replaced by brain jelly.
A couple of days ago after breakfast the wife and I were discussing trampolines and how it might be a good idea to get one for the boy. He loves jumping on friends trampolines and we had recently moved the snail, bug, spider and slug infested sand pit to a hopefully more bug free part of the garden. So the poor bugs, slugs and spiders lost their home so it would be the right thing to do to provide them with a much bigger new home.
You would think at this point that maybe we would conduct some internet research and go and get one. Well we didn’t. It wasn’t until about 3:30pm that we decided to get a trampoline. Jenny set off to Target to see what they had, while the boy and I stayed home watching play school. Jenny rang up to say she was heading for Castle Hill as Toys r Us had a good one for half price. After a few more phone calls and Jenny going in and out of the store a couple of times we were owners of a flat packed trampoline.
Jenny got home around 4:30pm and Oscar eats dinner a bit after 5. The instructions indicated that assembly should take 1 hour.
Did we try to stick it to the instructions and get it done quicker???
No, for some reason at 5pm we decided to start construction.
We began by emptying the content of the box on to the front lawn. The instructions said to open it on a flat even surface.
Oscar then decided to ‘help’ by picking up random pieces and moving them to different parts of the lawn. We followed the first step and began clipping big long poles together. Then it was dinner time for the O man, so we sat him on the front steps with his dinner while we continued the build. We were past the point of no return but for no reason. There would be no time for Oscar to use it even if we finished it within the hour.
Somewhere between Oscar starting dinner and him finishing it became almost pitch black. I used to own flood lights but not these days, the best I could find was a 15 metre extension cord and a desk lamp. So I ran the cable from the lounge room out to the front lawn while Oscar went through my tool box in the dark distributing screw drivers around the front garden. To add to the chaos my extension cord is faulty so every now and then the little desk lamp would flash like a strobe light. Constructing something using long bits of hard metal, coupled with a 3 year old swinging screwdrivers was bound to end in tears, and it did. Oscar somehow manged to bonk himself on the head with one of the poles. So just before bed time we had an upset child, which always makes bed time just that little bit harder than it already is.
Oh and I forgot to mention just before bed time we also lost an important nut in the grass somewhere.
After the child was in bed we continued building the trampoline’s outer netting.
All but one of the long poles was bolted in to place when we realised we had missed a vital step. The vital step involved removing the top of the installed poles and inserting a piece we missed. Taking the tops off was mildly easy but putting them back on proved more difficult as it was a black top, secured by a black screw into a black hole in a black night. The desk lamp was useless.
We finished the trampoline at around 7:30.
We were flustered and tired. Why the hell did we do it?
We left for a week away the next morning so the poor kid only got an hour or two of jumping before we had to leave.