howie’s halfpipe

Tom and I just made a podcast. And boy oh boy is it dodgy, we did no planning we have music and we had no idea what we were going to talk about. Its not intended to offend anyone and i want to stress that it really is dodgy.

but hey if you’re bored at work and have nothing else to do then feel free to listen. its about twenty minutes long and may take a while to load.

“the podcast”

all complaints should be addressed to customerserviceautomatedreply@thehowie.net

that is all.

plese still be my friend

maybe you can do this one instead then scott, seeing as james has already gone off and mae millions off my work.

I was thinking about the film clip for Escalotor girl today as i walked around westfield with jenny.

I think you should make some music for it scott, then late at night we can sneak into westfield and film a video clip.

I think i’m emotionally realy to start making silly videos again now, still not up to serious ones yyet but i’ll get there.

Is it geeky that i would like to subscribe to “australian video camera” magazine?

Unformed stool of a broken man

By howie

The wife is out with friends,
I’m home alone again.
Another night in front of the tele
What am I gonna cook for my dinner
The fridge is empty
and the cupboard is bare
that is except for that one can
not sure if I can hack am I really a man

there is a can of baked beans
with the used by date expired
best before February 1988
some bread on the bench
I guess this is my dinner
Killer baked beans on toast

Opened the can and poured out the beans
Put them in the micro for 2 minutes
The last 2 bits of bread
Pop them in the toaster
The beans are ready,
just burnt the damn toast.

I began to eat the beans
straight from the bowl
my taste buds committed suicide
my stomach was disapproving
I could tell it was going to be a battle
I headed straight for bed

I awoke in the morning,
My wife was still not home
I headed for the bathroom
Like a rocket into space
I sat on the porcelain
And gave out a yell.

Like the unformed stool of a broken man
Shooting through like a bondi tram
The effects of dinner are plain to see
The odour rises and encompasses me.

Like the unformed stool of a broken man
Shooting through like a bondi tram
The effects of dinner are plain to see
The odour rises and encompasses me.

The moral to this story is
Trust the best before date
Other wise you too
Will have unformed stool like a broken man,
Shooting through like a bondi tram.

I need to release a single so people can fall in love with my music and then start heckling me to bring out an album.

oh i can do shopping centre visits and sing a song on a stage in westfield.

wouldnt that be a career highlight.

I met her on the escalators

By Howie

Strolling through the mall
Feeling kind of lucky
Getting new socks
And getting new undies
Up to level 3 I must go
I cant afford myer its off to lowes

And there she was
Smiling in her bright red top.
I was going up
She was going down
Our eyes connected
I new it was love.

I met her on the escalators
I saw her in the foodcourt
We passed near the supermarket
And later near the elevators

She’s gonna be mine
I can tell by the look in her eyes
I can tell as she goes by
Down to level 2
Up to level 3
The escalators are bringing her to me

She’s gonna be mine
I can tell by the look in her eyes
I can tell as she goes by
Down to level 2
Up to level 3
The escalators are bringing her to me

I walked past a jewller
And picked out a ring
I was thinking flowers
I was thinking dinner
It was time to propose
It was now or never

I snuck up behind her
In front of centre stage
Down on my knees
Begging her please
Will you marry me
My escalator girl

She burst out in tears
Her arms wrapped around me
Yes she cried
And yes she cried again
Please take my hand
Be my escalator man!

We got married in the carpark
With bridesmaids from Ikea
The reception in woolworths
Honeymoon in starbucks

She is mine
I can tell by the look in her eyes
I can tell as she goes by
Down to level 2
Up to level 3
The escalators have brought her to me
The escalators have brought her to me
The escalators have brought her to me
The escalators have brought her to me

My truck driving mumma

By Howie

Mumma went rockin to a death metal gig
While puppa stayed home and did yoga.
Mumma came home at a quarter past 3
While puppa was dusting the sofa
Yeah puppa was dusting the sofa

Mumma gave me smokes for my seventh birthday
Puppa bought a bum bag thinking it was ok
Mumma took me clubbing at the age of 10
Puppa took me shoe shopping to kmart again
Yeah puppa took me shoe shopping to kmart again

She’s my truck driving mumma
He’s my jumper knitting puppa
Oh yeah
Oh yeah
She’s my truck driving mumma
He’s my jumper knitting puppa
Oh yeah
Oh yeah
Oh yeah

I love my Mumma and I love my Puppa
I’m sure deep down that they both love me
But mumma I don’t want no tattoo again
And puppa stop knitting slippers for my friends
Yeah Puppa stop knitting slippers for my friends

She’s my truck driving mumma
He’s my jumper knitting puppa
Oh yeah
Oh yeah
She’s my truck driving mumma
He’s my jumper knitting puppa
Oh yeah
Oh yeah
She’s my truck driving mumma
He’s my jumper knitting puppa
Oh yeah
Oh yeah

Honk honk here comes mumma,
Knit one, pearl one here comes puppa

Honk honk here comes mumma
Knit one, pearl one here comes puppa

Truck driving mumma
Oh yeah

1. I’ve got a golden dangle berry and her name is June
2. My truck driving mumma
3. fried rice on the moon
4. 8 items or less
5. Stuck in a toe jam
6. Ponder this one
7. Unformed stool of a broken man
8. Daryl Sommers, the tribute
9. I met her on the escalators
10. Will you be my Lawyer
11. There is a sausage roll in all of us
12 Eating in with take-away
13. Unformed stool of a broken man (Latino Remix)