Feelings recipes
I do have feelings
In the last few weeks i think i have felt . Quite a mixed bag really, good bad and inbetween.
thats mean
I think i’m to rude to people, its sets out as a light hearted joke and often seem to offend people. It is never my intention to offend people. maybe i’m just fishing for a reaction a bit of a sparing match. But more and more lately i’m noticing that i’m offending peple and they feel teased. Its anoying cause i dont even notice i’m doing it most of the time. It has become so habitual. Think i need to sit down and replan how i interact with people. Especially the people i know well as it seem to be the better i know someone the ruder i get with them.
I guess awarness is a good start. And i think lately i’m pretty aware. Now i just need to change.
“Operation Better People” is a much bigger mission than any thing like “operation of the willing”
I’m not quite sure what to say
Jo said on her blog that there are some things and feelings that just shouldnt be blogged.
I agree.
So i’m not going to go into any details and i’m not opening up any discussion and infact i dont really want people commenting on this post.
Jo and I have broken up. I felt i needed to tell people to hopefuly in a way make it easier on us so we dont have to brave our way through the “oh so hows jo” and “hows howie”. comments. It is my hope that people can support us and love us. not sympathise with us and give us un needed advice. Rather listen with empathy if we want to talk.
life in general
sometimes i feel a bit forgotten and unsupported, not all the time just sometimes.
you are sick
People with mental disabilities don’t have a disability, they are the most able people on this planet. How many people with a mental disability do you see judging people, holding grudges, blackmailing, twisting, hating.
Never, thats when.
People with mental disabilities are who we should be getting our mentoring and guidance from especially illness like down syndrome. People with down syndrome just keep on loving and smiling, sure they can get grumpy but the grumpiness never turns into a grudge or a prolonged hatred. It lasts for a very short amount of time. There is always love. You could do something to upset someone and 20 seconds later they hug you and embrace you. The past is forgotten.
Why is it that the people in this world who are the best examples of loving other people are the people we class as being “sick” and “disabled” and suffering from an “illness”.
Being able to always love is not an illness, its us who are ill. Not them.
Jesus tells us to love our neighbor, thats everyone!! Jesus loved everyone, why cant we?
You don’t need words to love,
1 Corinthians 13: 4-7
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
‘m not sure why i had this sudden outburst but i was thinking about it the other day.
Howie on Harry
Its time I came out of the closet.
Not that closet, you silly people!
My Harry Potter Closet. Why it is that howie doesn’t like Harry potter? Why is it that Howie won’t read the books or watch any of the movies?
People often say to me “why don’t you like Harry potter” And normally I answer with some sort of vibey uncommitted comment like “I just don’t like it” I’m anti potter”
Well the real reasons, is that I really don’t like fantasy stories, wizards and dark lords and spells and witches and all that. It really gives me the creeps. Its not that I’m scared I think its more that its just not something I enjoy. I would even go as far as saying I think all that stuff is evil. I think it’s a bit different for other people, its not a “I’m Christian and I know that harry potter is evil” It more that I just personally cant stand fantasy especially if it has spells and witches and wizards and stuff like that. I know plenty of Christians who love Harry Potter. I’m not quite sure on their stance with all this wizardry stuff. For me it’s a no no.
Lots of people say it just a story. And sure it is just a story, but from this story lots of dodgy stuff has happened. Like in department stores across Australia after the release of harry potter there was witches and stuff in the childrens sections, with kids being able to make spells and read tarots and stuff. Not good in my opinion.
I really don’t like that sort of stuff. I even struggled with the Lord of The rings. I watched the first one but that’s all I saw and I didn’t like it.
Sorry everyone but its really not my scene, I and I wish it wasn’t yours either but you can watch and read what ever you want.
I’m not going to hate you if you like harry potter.
poor old bloggy
I really should blog properly again.
soory everyone for being such a slack blogger lately.
Life is really full on at the moment, so busy. And it doesn’t seem to have much of a sign of slowing down anytime soon. I think it’s a good crazy, I’m enjoying all the things I’m doing a lot, but it’s the whole “the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak”
I getting a bit of rest here and there.
Mother Teresa, now there is an inspirational lady.
“Like Jesus we belong to the world living not for ourselves but for others. The joy of the Lord is our strength.”
“A sacrifice to be real must cost, must hurt, must empty ourselves. The fruit of silence is prayer, the fruit of prayer is faith, the fruit of faith is love, the fruit of love is service, the fruit of service is peace”
Last night I was having a conversation with a friend. We where talking about being nice to people and we couldn’t recall a time where we had ever said something nice to each other. I tried to justify myself by saying maybe it’s just how we relate to each other. But now on thinking about it a bit. That’s really not good. Maybe it is the way we relate, but its not a very helpful way to relate, there are many other ways to relate that are much more supportive.
I don’t think anyone want to have a relationship where the whole relationship is ride comments and put downs. I think I must do it a lot, not just with this one person but with everyone. I think its time to ween myself off being mean to people. I reckon I can be a nice guy.
I think i should try and be more romantic, make jo feel more special, cause she is special to me.
SO So So So Sorry
I’m sorry Rachel.
I slammed Rach’s fingers in the car door last night, unintentionally but i’m still very sorry….
oh dear.
Caution howie has feelings
There are two words that I always use to describe my life and they are “fine” and “all right”. They are very versatile words.
Howie how was your day? “oh it was all right”
How are you feeling? “fine”
And they are the only answers I generally give. I’m not sure why I do it, I’m not sure if its cause its easy, I don’t have to think about how I’m really feeling or how my day really was. Or is it that my days are always just “all right” and am I always just feeling “fine”.
Is it like the median feeling of my life, so there are good times and specicif events where I say “that was awesome” and there are things where I say “it was crap”. So if I collate all the good things and bad things and everything in between, and compile a median statistic it comes out “fine” or “all right”.
Or is it because I like people to think that I’m some super stable always the same kind of guy. My moods are reliable because there is only one.
Or is it because I just don’t like talking about myself, well that’s a lie I love talking about myself. But not serious stuff, I don’t cope in serious conversations, I’m getting better at coping with other peoples emotions and feelings but I don’t think I’m at a stage yet where I can openly talk about my own. Its weird. Plenty of people try to delve into the depths of howies head and heart and mind. But I don’t think anyone really succeeds all that well. Maybe this isn’t a good thing. Its probably not a good thing.
The other thing is that say I’m pissed off at something or someone, that feeling of being pissed off generally only lasts a few seconds, I dont like being pissed off, its so boring. So if someone does something that pisses me off I get pissed off but then think why am I pissed off. Its only a whatever.
So its rare that someone will ask me how I am in one of those moments where I am pissed off. And if they did “I’m fine”
Its not a new thing, I have been doing it for as long as I can remember. Maybe its just a bad habit that I have gotten myself into.
How do you stop, I cant just suddenly become a deep person that exhales all their emotions and feelings and thoughts. I don’t know if I want people knowing what I think or feel, they are my thoughts, for me and my feelings for me. Not all thoughts and feelings are made to be shared. And if they are then I’m stuffed.
I don’t really know what other people think, people who have known me for a while probably just think “oh its just Howie” but people who don’t know me all that well probably think I’m some cold heartless person who has no emotions and feelings and stuff.
I do have feelings, I do have emotions, I just think they might not be as deep as some other peoples. I never find myself in deep thought on any topic really. Maybe I’m a simple man. Who knows. I’m confused.
That’s enough I think.
have a whinge
I think I have always had a bit of a problem with authority and I don’t like being told what to do. I like to make my own descisions and do my own thing. My own way. Lately people have been telling me what to do a lot. Especially when it comes to me and jo, its like jo and I are play dough figurines and some people try to make us do things that they want us to do or say or be. Its not their relationship. I don’t want to point the finger and I know its all cause people love us, but even so its our relationship not yours.
Well to keep this down sort of tone rolling I think I’ll continue with more depressing posts for your viewing pleasure. Lately I seem to find myself wanting to spend less and less time with people and am quite content with just spending time with Howie, I’m not really sure what’s going on with me, The idea of community just doesn’t excite me. Going to the foodcourt on Thursdays seems more like a routine now than anything else.
I haven’t even played any Frisbee in about 2 weeks. I was saying to ryan the other night that I think I’m turning into a grumpy old hermit.
On another note I did have a lot of fun last night at our Counting Crows gathering.
All good things………….
Well world it has been good sharing my thoughts and movements with you, But all good things must come to an end.
20 months.
813 individual posts
574 comments
What an amazing adventure.
The reason I’m going to stop blogging is that I think I have got to appoint in my life where I think its best for me to not to share my thoughts and feelings across the world, I think its time I kept a personal journal that only I can read.
I think having a blog is conflicting with my work, and I love my work so if getting rid of my blog helps me than I think it’s the best thing to do.
I bought the haloscan advertisements in the hope that I could go out with a bang, a big grand finale.
Thankyou for reading my blog everyone, I’m sorry if I have offended you.
Goodbye.
Well that last post seemed to open up a bit of a discussion. I just posted it because of a conversation I had had with someone and we where discussing how much sex goes on around the place that really shouldn’t be going on. And also sex is everywhere in the media and clothing and just everywhere and it shouldn’t be.
