howie’s halfpipe

The author of the 16th comment on this post will win a poem about them written by me.

you can’t comment more than once in a row!

If you glance across to my sidebar you will see that very soon I will have my 60,000th visitor.

Will it be you???????

If it is you leave a comment and this is what you will win.

A big button phone (from my Nan’s house), One of my socks, My little Athletics trophey from 1995, A bob the builder VCD

oh yeah what a swag!

Will wins lasst weeks prize of the disabled parking sign.

this week up for grabs is monica the metal detector. monica beeps she runs on batteries and is a friendly companion.

to win monica just the 4th person to answer this question correctly. How many howies are there in the banner up the top of this page.

The winner of the snoopy set from last wednesday is Ty. Damn reverse phsycology worked on me. so well done Ty.

this weeks prize is

this lovely carboard disabled parking sign. Aquired fomr a election polling booth a few years ago.

to win this little beauty just be the 14th person to comment on this post. you cant post more than 1 comment in a row.

Justine wins last weeks prize of phillip ruddocks head and bob carrs head. well done justine.

now for this weeks prize and what a ripper
you could win my set of snoopy happy meal toys.

to win comment and tell me in exactly 13 words why you should win.

Its only about 12 weeks until jenny and i get married.
and probably only about 6 weeks until we can start moving stuff into our home.
well today i began going through my stuff and throwing stuff out and packing some stuff into boxes.
And what betterway to get rid of stuff than to have a blog givaway!

so for the next 12 weeks there will be one chance each week to score stuff for yourself.

How do you win, well that is easy, all you have to do this week is leave a comment saying “i love philip ruddock”

ok i know thats not an easy thing to say, but if you can say it then you may win the below prize.

imagine the possibilities, you could burn them, de-face them, hang them with pride in your lounge room.

i aquired them from a polling booth for no particular reason excpet i thought it was fun to have a big head of a politician.

entries close as soon as there is more than 5 people entered.

last wendesday i put out the challenge to write a poem called “the river of my bowel flows towards you”

There where 4 entrants and here they are.

the river of my bowel flows towards you
like an uncontrollable natural phenomenon
the contents of which is inexplicable
i wish i could just hold it all in

the river of my bowel flows towards you by jenny

the river of my bowels flows towards you,
stand back

the river of my bowel flows towards you by lachy

I don’t have a clue
How to write a poem for you
All I have to do
Is include the word poo

This is not worth winning
But this poor attempt
Has left me grinning
One last word: Contempt.

the river of my bowel flows towards you by Jo

the river of my bowel flows towards you

watch out, it’s liver cleansing

So there you have it folks. And the winner of the 50 cent coin goes to lachy.

I havent had a competition in a while so I think its time to give away something again.

Although due to my lack of funds it wont be a free t-shirt. I’m sorry.

But you do have the chance of winning a 50 cent coin.

All you have to do is write me a poem and send it to freestuff@thehowie.net

Conditions of entry.

Your poem must be written by you
It must be titled “the river of my bowel flows towards you”

Entires close Wednesday the 10th of august

Well folks.

I have to say it wasn’t an overwhelming response. But there where a few people out there who decided to take up the challenge and record the song. All for a free t-shirt.

There were 3 entries.

The first from Luke
The second from Bowen
Then scott

Ok i broke it so you cant listen to the songs yet…but soon.

I think scott was the one with the most potential to create an awesome rendition of ‘truck driving mumma’ but alas he fell well short of the mark, instead he treid to scam me out of a shirt by sending in music that he had nothing to do with.

Why did I post it then?

Well it’s a nice classical piece that is soothing to hear after the first two entries.

And now the moment we have all been waiting for.

The winner of a “thehowie.net’ shirt is……………..Luke

Libby one the t-shirt. so Yay libby.

but it seems that quite a few people want a t-shirt so here is another chance. thats right i’m gonna give away another shirt.

this time you need to email me a mp3 or wav file of you singing my song truck driving mumma if you inclide instruments you are more likely to win.

i will judge the winner and the winner will recieve a shirt and another special prize.

enteries close 7pm thursday the 23rd of june 2005

email to freestuff@thehowie.net

ok david doesnt want the shirt so the first person to email me with ‘give me the damn shirt’ at freestuff@thehowie.net gets the shirt

Here is your chance to win an official ‘thehowie.net’ t-shirt. In your size!

All you have to do is search my blog to find the password.

Once you have found the password email the title of the post that the password is in to freestuff@thehowie.net

the first person to email the right title of the post will win the t-shirt.

the password is ‘odium‘

enteries close as soon as there is a winner.

If your name is howie and you are the boyfirend of jenny then you need to answer the following question to win a free cd. ‘100% hits of 99′.
What is Jenny’s favourite colour?

ummm i’m gonna say blue

your answer is correct!
You win the CD

yaaaaaaaaaaaaay! I win i win i win…..

Thats right, its time for free stuff again.

I found x-rays of my chest in my room from when josh snapped me in the office, tunred out my rib was just bruised not snapped so i dont need the x-ray who wants to win it?

first person to answer this question right can have my chest x-rays.

Q. What colour underpants am i wearing today?

I made a clay dog poo at work today.

hands up if you want it

but why should you get it over other people?

Well Ashleigh wins one of my white socks for sending me a photo of her face. She is the winner, mostly because she is the only person who sent me a photo. But its a pretty funny photo too.

just a a few hundred visotors away from reaching 20,000 visitors to this site.

So to celebrate the fact that no one seems to have a life these days and you all waste your time in front of computers. I am going to give stuff away like there is no tomorrow.

Also if you visit and find that you are the 20,000 visitor make sure you leave a coment and i’ll send you some usless article that i own and no longer need or a birthday present that i didnt like. something like that.

I wonder how much it costs to post a broken video player

email me your funniest face photo for a chance to win one of my socks. I’ll even sign it with a perminant marker.

email to freestuff@thehowie.net

Playing for a signed a4 sized photo of me.

Bowen is the winner with this little beauty.

I was at a milking farm and I had never been to one before. I saw this pit thing that was at the side of the milking shed and it looked like it was safe to jump on. So I did and went through the top crust of poo up to my neck. It turned out I had decided to jump into a runoff pit for all the cows crap. I could have drowned I was told later if I had of jumped in a deeper part. DEATH BY COW POO.

And Scott unfortunatly you dont get a prize but here is your story up on the web too.

About 3 years ago I went on a 1 month missionary trip through the Northern Territory with Wycliffe bible translators. The guy who ran the trip, Dave,was plumber before joining Wycliffe in full-time ministry. Wow did he have some poo stories.

He told of the day that he and his mates finished their apprenticeships. They had their last exam at TAFE and then went down to the pub. They all got talking about various poo stories that seem synonymous with the plumbing trade. One guy said “Oh, poo isn’t that bad. I’d eat a poo for $200″. So, they passed a hat around the pub and sure enough raised $200, showed it to the contender and he agreed to the challenge. One of the blokes then took a bread roll from the bistro and proceeded to the toilet where he put a rather funny smelling sausage (a poo) in the bread roll. He
then closed the roll like a hot dog and put it on a plate in front of the idiot who suggested that he would eat a poo. The guy looked at the money,
looked at the bread roll, looked at the money and looked at the roll again, before picking it up and raising it to his mouth as about 50 apprentice
plumbers looked on in horror! He opened his mouth, bit into the bread before dropping the role and barfing all over the bar… Shortly after
about 50 apprentices lined the roadside out the front of the pub vomiting also… True story! He didn’t get the $200 and had to take a bite of a poo
filled role! The thing I find shocking about this story is that if I were going to eat a poo I’d at least select one of my own… This guy was gonna
eat someone else’s and he was only asking $200! IDIOT!

thanks for playing stay tuned for the next free stuff instalment