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plum pudding

After this mornings shower experience plans for the day where thrown out the window. It was instead turned into a rest and recuperation day.

A slow walk around some markets, a lie down and a trip to a museum. After a shower like that, ice packs would have probably been prescribed by a medical professional, luckily the wind chill in Christchurch has had a similar soothing effect.

Jet Balls.

NZ is famous all over the world for it’s extreme sports. Bungy jumping, mispronouncing ‘i’, jet boating, hele skiing and others.

Well there is a new extreme sport on the scene here that I’m going to have a go at. It is extreme showering.

This is the shower in our Christchurch place, you will notice it has the standard ‘head height’ water outlet, you will then notice it has 2 more water outlets. One at stomach height and one at bits and pieces height.

I’m not really sure I want to be blasted in the equipment with hot water, but I’ll give it a go. I’m hoping it’s tender and not some kind of turbo bidet.

choice

This morning I woke up early, had some loose and unformed stool and headed to the airport with wife and son.

We got on a plane that flew to Christchurch.

On the plan I got to watch bits of Toy story 3, bob the builder and Thomas & Friends, all with no sound.

I had steak for lunch with vegies including almost crunchy potato, it was one of the best tasting plane meals I have ever had.

In Christchurch I went to Pak n’ Save and pushed around a trundler.

I’m having frozen pizza for dinner, although I will heat it before eating.

tomorrow I’m going to dig a hole, put a pig in it and have a hungi

poo – adelaide – phew!

I have been feeling pretty crap the last few days, coughing, snot production, wheezing, general light headeness, some would call it a cold.

Well this morning I woke up at around 7am with some lovely cramping pains my my bowel region, not what you want when you have to catch a plane. The cramping led to a few bathroom visits inbetween packing suitcases, packing the car and stopping Oscar from de-alphabatising our DVD’s. All in all a stressful morning. I wasn’t feeling any better by leaving time and we had a big day ahead.

The rest of the days was spent in a car, in an airport, in a plane, in an airport, in a car, in a house, in a supermarket back in the house.

Then around dinner time i headed off to the bathroom again.

After dinner for some reason I put my hand on my bum (outside of my jeans)

My hand came back sticky and covered in a brown substance, this FREAKED me out!

I quickly removed me pants to dicover the outside of my jeans in the bum area had some brown something smeared on it.

After the days events this is not something i wanted to see,  how long had it been like this, and more importantly was it what i thought it might be…please don’t be.

then using my smartness i thought, look inside the jeans and if its brown in there you wont be able to blog about this but if its clean you can spin it into some blog story.

Turns out i had sat in some chocolate, I found the culprit chair in the dining room of this little house.

One night in Melbourne

Last night David and Andreana had their kissing party (engagement gathering) in some suburb of Melbourne that had a ‘m’ and ‘v’ in it’s name. Having been invited to this party Tom and I decided to attend.

Because we enjoy our independence and want to squish any notion that we are the same person we decided not to travel together on the same plane, but instead to travel on different planes at around the same time.

I got on a train yesterday morning that was also on Tom’s train line. As the train pulled into his station I didn’t see him,which I thought was odd as we had planned to travel at least to the airport together.

The doors where about to close when tom emerged from the station stairs ,and he hadn’t got his ticket yet, so he missed the train. I got off at the next top and waited for him on the next train.

Turns out he missed the train because he fell up the stairs.

We arrived at the Airport and tom went off to his plane and I went off to mine.

My plane was massive!!!

After arriving in Melbourne we  got the skybus into the city and walked around for a bit. We didn’t want to arrive on time to the party because we didn’t know many people and also because we are pretty rock ‘n roll!

We found a dingy food court in the bottom of some building, and decided to get some lunch. I went to the counter of one of the food outlets and said “Can I please have some hot chips and 2 potato cakes?” to which the lady replied “No, you don’t want that, I get you something special, just give me 30 seconds”

She then disappeared out the back,  and I decided that whatever it was she was getting I didn’t want it as I had already asked for what I wanted.

She reemerged with a Styrofoam bowl filled with what looked like fish market floor scrapings. To make it look gourmet she put some green stuff on top and put it on the counter and told me I would love it, ‘you want this, you love it”

I declined her offer to which she said “Ok I serve someone else and come back to you”

Most people would probably walk away at this stage, but none of the other outlets looked appealing so I decided to give this one more chance.

I managed to get a toasted avocado, cheese and tomato sandwich which was fine.

After lunch we wandered to flinders street station to get a tram to the party. Along the way we walked past a nightride stop, which had the below mode of transport parked in it.

I can’t picture 15 drunk young people cramming into a stage coach at 3am stinking of kebabs and singing ‘working class man’  loudly, but it must happen. I much prefer the buses they provide in Sydney.

We got some tickets, then waited for our tram.

At the party using our amazing party skills we spent almost the whole party in the one room, and in one corner of that room. I know this is probably a surprise to lot of you.

We did venture out into the kitchen for a while to talk with TEAR people’s but after a while it was back to the room.

At one stage I really needed to wee, so I went to the toilet, which was a scary experience, it was a sliding door right next to the toilet with no lock and you don’t have to go back to far in my blog archives to see how i feel about bathroom doors with no lock.

Anyway the main problem was that when i went in I discovered quite a lot of wee on the toilet seat and i knew there was people outside the toilet waiting to use it after me, so to avoid them thinking it was me I had to clean it up.

So I cleanded it up and whoever was after me probably thought “wow what a clean toilet”

Towards the end of the party Tom and I started to shine a bit more, there was a lot less people and we where both probably tired so the rude jokes started flowing, mostly amusing others in the room.We tried looking up dirty words in a synonyms book, that right we are PARTY ANIMALS, but the book was crap it didn’t even have ‘breast or ‘penis’.

After the party we headed back to David’s new residence, which I have to say in just under a week he has done an amazing job at making it feel like a ‘david environment’  he will argue it’s because he is still unpacking.

We ate chips, drank coke and watched a movie.

And that was Saturday.

Sunday I got up at 9:30am!!!!!! It was amazing, i haven’t got to stay in bed that late for ages.

We all headed into the city for some breakfast in one of Melbourne’s famous laneways at a little cafe. Luckily we where sitting inside, if you sit outside you run the risk of your food being knocked off the table by some crazy lady wearing a curtain pushing a giant ball of wool down the lane.

A trip to JB, a walk past an apartment on sticks and it was time to say goodbye to David.

The time in Melbourne was so bonding that Tom and I caught the same plane home.

you know you’re in Armidale when…..

The whole town stops to watch some trucks, tractors and hippie commune members parade down the main street.

my weekend at Surrender

On Thursday I flew down to Melbourne

Then Friday I went up the Surrender site to start setting up the slum for the weekend.

there are 10 of us sleeping in here and living here for the weekend.

On Saturday afternoon Melbourne put on quite a storm, massive hail that ripped through cars only metres away from the slum, luckily the slum roof of cardboard and plastic held up. There was only 1 hole (above my sleeping spot)

3 nights with just a sleeping bag no mattress and one set of clothes. 2 small meals of rice and dahl I’m exhausted So i got me some virgin lounge access at Melb airport. Which is where i am currently splayed out on a super soft couch chewing on a toothpick after beer, olives, coke, cookies and a really big much needed poo.

in a few hours i will be home

Armidale

It’s raining.

lighthouse?

today we went to an invisible lighthouse.

it had a gift shop, museum and tea rooms but no actual lighthouse.

I love it! I’m going to open an invisible attraction too and have a gift shop.

to bogan land

Today we went to bogan land. Actually it wasn’t bogan land it was toboggan land and it his a downhill thingy just like at Jambaroo.

We rocked up to the empty carpark and went inside o pay our monies. We bought 3 rides on the toboggan. The lady who sold us the tickets then had to come and turn on the machine that pulls you up to the top of the hill.

She said I could take Oscar on it, in fact the safety briefing was “the track is yours so go as afst or slow as you like,  he will love it”.

I’m pretty sure 10 month old babies are not supposed to go on down hill fast toboggans, especially when the sign says “you must be over 130cm to ride this”. Oscar is about 70cm.

Anyway i figured i would just go super slow and give Oscar a ride.

We set off up the hill sitting on our toboggan with Oscar between my legs, he enjoyed hitting the brake leaver, until about half way up the hill then he got bored and started to whinge.

At the top we where ready to hit the slope but there was a big arse lizard, crocodile, dinasor blocking the track.

I figures it would run off as we got closer but it didn’t. So we stopped and i began banging the track with my foot, nothing. I then reached over and got a stick and banged around the track just near the dinasor, nothing. So we just sat there. I took a photo and sat there some more. I wasn’t really sure what to do as i wa at the top of a bush covered mountain alone on a track with T-rex blocking my path.

Eventually it dawned on me that the iphone i used to take the photo could also make calls. So i rang jenny and she talked to the lady who eventually arrived in a toboggan behind me with a broom. She poked T-rex with the broom, nothing. Eventually she decided to push him off the track, she said it happens quite a lot and they get stuck in the track casue it’s so slippery. Eventually she got the beast off the track and we began our decent.

Oscar didn’t really like it.

Next it was jenny’s go and she was in a dress and thongs, the lady said she could go barefoot is she wanted. So off jenny went while Oscar and i played with a stick which he enjoyed much more than the $7.50 toboggan ride i wasted on him!

Then i had another gu without the baby and had a good time.

And that was bogan land.

We also visited 2 beaches, a lookout and a shopping centre.

The place we are staying in is awesome, apart from the pillows which are concrete speed bumps in pillow cases so we bought some pillows in Kmart.

farwell ding ding town

Tonight is the last night in Melbourne town.

Tomorrow it’s off bright and early to Yass.

If i lived in Yass i’d call it My Yass!

fugly man cam

Earlier today we went into the city to go up Rialto tower. I do love a good building and this one was good.

Here is a photo of ‘Fugly Square’. what the hell where the designers thinking!

Security in big buildings is a big thing these days and you need to be on the look our for possible terrorists.

In melbounre the main security targets are men with no arms, so if you are a man with no arms in Melbourne you need to know that the authorities are watching your every move.

fun with dad

Question: Is there anything more fun than going down a slippery dip with daddy?

Answer: Yes there is something more fun, slippery dips are boring.

in the red

There are two main observations I’ve made since being in Melbourne for the last 5 days.

1. Melbourne seems to have the largest concentration of ginger heads in the world

2. Hairdressers seem to be open 24 hours.

I belive there is a link between the two. There are so many red heads that hairdressers need to stay open 24hrs to keep up with the demand of ginger heads wanting to disguise their true identity.

ribbed off!

Tonight after dinner at our staff conference I decided to bail and head back to be with wife and baby.

I walked to the train station and then heard a train coming so made a runner for the train. (Yes i did validate my metcard).

I ran towards the train and the doors where just starting to close I made it most of the way in but then some how the door slammed into my rib. I wasn’t expecting it and it got me really hard. In sydney if the door closes on you it just sort of stops there is no pressure but the melbourne doors are determined to close no matter what obstacle lay in their way. So my rib copped a beauty. I spent the whole train trip home gasping a bit for air and every time i moved it hurt.

It could be bruised or maybe even cracked, who knows but it bloody hurts and still does.

No real use seeking medical help as they can’t do anything for ribs.

lockdown

Well the staff conference has begun, so no more derogatory comments about places we visit or pass through.

And due to my professionalism no derogatory comments about colleagues or the conference either.

I’m in lockdown until friday afternoon.  So the old blog may be a bit bare for a while.

half skim mocca voton with 100% leather

When we booked an apartment in Melbourne we had no idea what the suburb would be like, for all we knew we would be in the middle of the red light district sharing an apartment building with the entire melbourne underworld.

we just booked it on wotif with 2 main criteria, one being two bedroom and the other being cheapish.

After a wander it turns out we are on the border of latte land and the handbag hood. Not heaps our scene seeing as jenny doesnt like lattes and i’ve stopped collecting handbags.

But there is an Oporto and the train station is super close.

We stocked up at coles and now sitting back about to enjoy some foxtel.

Seymour Butts

After the world’s crappest sleep we left Albury at sparows fart this morning and headed towards the melbourne.

After crossing the border into victoria we notices the sly became a lot more grey.

We stopped in Seymour for Oscar to get some boob and for me to get some frost bite. We got to spend an hour in the coles carpark while Oscar did and didn’t eat.

Then it ws on the road again and into melbourne town. We evantually made it to our apartment and now its time to get some food stuffs.

Albury

 We got to drive through Hollbrook earlier today and I have three theories as to why there is a submarine in the middle of the countryside.

1. The govenrment knows more about climate change and rising sea levels than it’s telling us.

2. The Australian NAVY has a female navigator.

3. It’s the only place the NAVY could think of so that our enemies won’t find it during a battle.

We are staying in Albury tonight and i’m freezing my Wodonga’s off!!!